Yesterday while working with my Morning Pages and Virtues Cards, I drew the Confidence card. Popov defines confidence as “having faith in ourselves and in life.”

I got to wondering why my confidence level tends to ebb and flow. Sometimes I feel ready to just “give ‘er” while there are other times when I feel down and wondering what’s the point. So i decided to do a bit of a reflection on the subject.

What are the indicators of confidence? Externally, we see

• A physical demeanour that shows attention to detail in the way we take care of ourselves - hair, teeth, clothing, overall look.
• Straight posture, purposeful stride
• Ready smiles and clear, interested eyes
• Our connections with others have energy and enthusiasm
• New business, career, personal opportunities are coming in
• A wide circle of friends and colleagues

Internally, we feel

• Optimistic about the future
• Satisfaction with our personal life
• On top of things - being organized and unhurried
• Gratitude for what life offers
• Able to see the positive aspects of what who surrounds us

What makes our confidence slip? I notice that mine slips when my close personal relationships are a little off or business results are lagging behind and I’m having feelings of rejection. Then I give my greatest fears about my abilities too much attention and allow in pessimistic thoughts about the other activities in my life. They all seem to run together.

What are the best ways to boost up that drooping confidence? I’ve found that a walk on a beautiful trail or the beach helps me clear away negative feelings. Then an inspirational book or conversation helps to build energy and optimism. I’ve also noticed that removing negative words from my verbal and mental vocabulary helps to maintain my self-confidence. Meditation helps to sort out my feelings and visualization of success brings the strength to move toward my goals.

What techniques do you use to maintain your confidence reserves?

We hear this word a lot these days. My own by-line says “It’s important to do what you love - with passion”

Many books and web sites are written about finding your passion, but maybe the place to begin is to discover what it means to you. Is it a hobby or pass time? Is it your life’s work? Is it addressing some very important lacking? Is it emotional reward? Does it sooth you? Does it challenge you? There seem to be lots of ways to define it.

The next time you are sitting in the sunshine with nothing to do but just be…why not give your passion some thought. What does it mean? What does it do for you? What is your passion? You could do some journaling on the topic, or it could be the subject of an artistic activity.

Here’s a challenge for everyone:  Let’s create a list of 100 WAYS TO RE-CHARGE.  I found 57 ways to re-invent yourself in Susan Crandell’s  book, Thinking About Tomorrow - Re-inventing Yourself in Midlife . and it got me to thinking about the many ways we recharge ourselves.  We don’t have to re-invent ourselves to get a new lease on life and work.   What can you add?  Here’s my list:

1. Explore/study/read about intuitives. You may think it’s hokey, but It helps to open our minds to new ways of thinking about our world - medical, spiritual, indigo children.
2. Mentor a new Canadian. We have so much to share and new Canadians are so receptive.
3. Teach others how to do something. Seeing others grow and learn is so invigorating.
4. Become a  life long learner.  Take courses, get a tutor, set a reading plan, join a book club - try new subjects to you.
5. Learn to play a musical instrument, including your voice.  It puts harmony in your life
6. Learn a language.  Encourage your children or grandchildren to join you.
7. Trace your family history.  It enhances your sense of connection to your roots.
8. Join or start a community choir. We all crave community these days, and this can be such a healing experience.  To learn more about the Gettin Higher Choir in Victoria.
9. Take up a new sport. Get some instruction first, then join a team or create one if it’s an individual sport.
10. Trade homes with someone in another city or country. Great way to learn about other cultures and connect.
11. Volunteer in pre-school or elementary school. Find you inner child;  their energy is infectious.

Are you up for the challenge?

Have you ever wondered why you begin to feel fatigued and foggy at work? Do you find yourself leaving your desk and heading for the office coffee pot thinking the coffee will wake you up? My business friend Astrid Whiting of Synergenix Fitness has some very interesting advice for us about hydration. Why not take a minute to view her YouTube session on Hydration. You’ll be glad you did!

Have you ever wondered why some people burnout, while others do not?  A recent study of health care workers by Georgia Pomaki , a postdoctoral fellow in the Dept. of Psychology, UBC indicates that people who pursue positive goals tend to do well, while others whose goals entail just keeping their head above water tend to burn out or get sick.  This seems to support the notion that controlling one’s thoughts is the best way to succeed and be healthy.  Another example of the Law of Attraction (you get what you think about whether desired or not- Losier)

The question is, how does one remain positive when everything around you looks negative?  When does the employer need to take action to improve the work atmosphere?  When does the employee need to start over in a different situation?  Where is the breaking point?

How do you deal with stress and overwhelm? According to Bill Harris in Thresholds of the Mind there are three ways people typically deal with its energy:

1. Dissipating it. There is such an energy build up that the body’s natural safety valves take care over. Some will find crying or emotional outburst does the trick, while others will move into physical activity such as running, sex or becoming more busy. Still others just need to talk it out.
2. Blocking it. This is the attempt to keep more of its energy from entering the system, and requires the shutting down of all systems. Some will go to ground in some way to be alone, others will become ill and others will become incapacitated with depression.
3. Distracting it. This is pretending the stress is not there by medicating with alcohol, drugs or food, hours of TV or computer games, immersion in some hobby, or reading

The next time you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, ask yourself the following:

• What is the source of this stress?
• What needs to be changed so that this does not arise again in the future?
• How can I reduce its energy in a healthy way?

One of the most powerful drives that all human beings share is to connect, to love and be loved. It’s not surprising that Intimacy, Hudson’s third adult passion, is a critical part of finding and maintaining meaning in our third age. We know that positive relationships ensure a healthy life and a healthy world, so intimacy must never be neglected. How much time and energy do you devote to your relationships?

It will be helpful to reflect on each of the following relationship spheres, to consider: Who are the important people? How much time is invested in each? How could this sphere be enhanced?

Self - Personal space (time and quiet), spirituality, physical/mental health, and personal growth.

Couple - Talking together, intimate contact, shared activities (both inside and outside the home) couple friendships, learning and growing together.

Family - Time together and listening, parenting, connecting with parents and siblings, family activities.

Friends - Same gender/different gender, activities together, ways to provide support.

Work – Leadership, management, networking with colleagues, mentoring, social activities for business, professional growth.

Social - Connecting according to shared interests, hobbies or causes (spiritual, political, environmental, educational), volunteering, contribution to community.

You owe it to your good health to maintain and nurture your relationships. Nothing is more effective than a good and meaningful chat. How are you sharing yourself?

When we reach this point in our career it’s usually not a pretty picture. Everything looks negative and this can lead to our being not much fun to be around either at work or on the home front. We can find our family and colleagues losing interest in what we have to say, and tuning us out. In my own case, I was fortunate that a co-worker was very direct with me saying, “Your grumbling is a pain,” If it’s so bad here why don’t you just leave?” (thanks Patty) Her direct approach was just what I needed. I went home that night with a lot of new thoughts swirling.  She shook me out of a negative rut and I was finally able to decide what I really wanted.

Changing negative emotions is often very difficult to do without others’ help. Recently, I stumbled on a very helpful technique described in Esther and Gerry Hicks‘ book “The Amazing Power of Emotions - Let Your Emotions Be Your Guide”. Choosing to reframe slightly so that it feels just a bit better, and repeating the process till it’s over. Of course this is an over simplification, but you get the idea.

Is there someone in your work place that needs a direct shake up and some help getting past negative emotions? Do them a favour!

Meaning is the New Money

Last time we began our search for meaning by looking at Frederick Hudson’s first core adult passion of Personal Mastery. Today we will look at the concept of Achievement. All human beings have the urge to prove themselves in some way. But of course it manifests in many different ways. It can mean having ambition and doing things, setting and reaching goals, getting results and being recognized, working on projects, playing in organized sports or cultural groups, or merely having a purpose.

Upon entering into the “retirement years” many people find their traditional avenues for proving themselves have been removed or changed significantly. And this leaves them drifting aimlessly without that forward orientation that keeps us engaged in mainstream life.

As we approach our third age, we have a golden opportunity to try on something entirely new. This requires some reflective time, the courage to let go of the old way and possibly some experimentation. One way to begin the process is to find a couple of people that know you well and explore together the following questions:

· What are my gifts?

· What activities give me the most satisfaction?

· What are my biggest challenges?

· What would I like to learn?

· What have I yearned to do, but never had the time or opportunity to pursue?

· What is my compelling sense of purpose?

· If I could leave a mark, what would it look like?

· What rewards am I seeking?

As we approach our Third Age, we can often feel a shift happening, and a vague or even sometimes demanding need for some changes, but are uncertain about where to begin, or what to do about it. And as we experience the changing world around us, we notice other shifts occurring. In his book A Whole New Mind. Daniel Pink suggests that we are moving toward what he calls the Conceptual Age, a time when right brain skills will become more and more important. Society will begin to place high value on what he calls the six senses: Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play and Meaning. These are often where our yearnings lie as we approach our Third Age.

One way to get a handle on these yearnings is to explore six core adult passions as described by Frederic Hudson & Pamela McLean in Life Launch. In this and subsequent articles we will review these passions, and suggest some ways to get in touch with our own thinking and feelings about them.

Personal Mastery or claiming yourself involves getting in touch with one’s inner sense of self. To do that, it’s important to know what motivates us, what we think is important and where we are going. It involves our self image, how we describe ourselves, our values, standards, principles, boundaries, roles and goals. How many pages can you write about yourself? “ who you are, where you are now and where you want to go?